Ciw-restr

Woman of Flowers

Llinellau gan Arianrhod (Cyfanswm: 170)

 
8 Once again there's a war to be fought.
9 And the battleground will be that young body.
10 The little map of her flesh
11 Pure, perfect even,
12 Will be charred and scarred.
13 The men will do this of course.
14 As they always do. To her. To me.
15 Some of us survive. And are stronger for it.
16 As yet I've no idea whose side
17 This one wishes to take. Mine, or that bastard beast,
18 My sibling who makes the earth tremble and skies crash
19 And turns all living things into toys
20 To be played with, broken and discarded.
 
22 My sibling Gwydion who creates life but serves death.
 
26 At the foot of my bed is an oak-wood chest.
27 It's empty. And always will be.
28 On it is a woven shawl
29 And some pelts of warm fur.
30 Here burrowed into the folds
31 Two small eyes squinting out
32 Is a fox cub. I found it, a stray
33 In the stable, hiding from the hounds.
 
39 Heal yourself wizard. What could I offer you?
 
42 I feel for anything that's alone in the world.
43 Cast aside. The weak, the defenceless
44 They're the only ones I trust.
45 And you're right. I wouldn't nurse you.
46 Families bring grief. Their ties have left me
47 A prisoner to solitude. I live alone.
 
50 My fox warms me back to sleep
51 And I dream of walking in sunlight
52 In soft fine slippers in quiet courtyards
53 Alone, always alone, in a white world.
 
63 Why are you here now? In my thoughts?
64 Shouldn't you be with Llew in Ardudwy?
65 He wants you. You're still family to him.
66 Go to him. He pines for you.
 
(1, 1) 93 And you made him complete?
 
(1, 1) 96 Why?
(1, 1) 97 You won't find a man more wretched
(1, 1) 98 In the whole of Gwynedd. Still inconsolable.
 
(1, 1) 101 He's a man now. But still miserable.
(1, 1) 102 He'll grow old before he's known happiness.
(1, 1) 103 You've given him keys to doors
(1, 1) 104 But the world he wants refuses to open for him.
(1, 1) 105 Time's running out.
 
(1, 1) 393 Women take in strays and strangers.
(1, 1) 394 Offering solace, seeking love.
(1, 1) 395 I'm drawn to the wounded and the wanting.
(1, 1) 396 Perhaps to atone for failing my runt of a son.
(1, 1) 397 Gwydion found some softness in her heart
(1, 1) 398 And reared it. That was atonement too.
(1, 1) 399 It gave Gwydion purpose. But it gave me my weakness.
(1, 1) 400 I'm easily tricked.
(1, 1) 401 Gwydion and Llew came to my fort disguised and
(1, 1) 402 Stole from me weapons and a name
(1, 1) 403 And undid my curses.
(1, 1) 404 For Blodeuwedd now the danger
(1, 1) 405 Is not what might be taken from her, but what she finds.
(1, 1) 406 She'll feast on new fruit and hunger for more.
 
(1, 2) 488 Three days ago I woke and the cub was gone.
(1, 2) 489 His scent stays on this blanket. I'll put
(1, 2) 490 A fresh pelt in its place. Last year
(1, 2) 491 A fledgling kestrel was blown down
(1, 2) 492 From a nest high in the battlements.
(1, 2) 493 That one stayed with me for two weeks.
(1, 2) 494 I fed it scraps of meat and watched
(1, 2) 495 Its yellow pebble eyes get to know me,
(1, 2) 496 Its hooked beak, soft rimmed, seek out my hand.
(1, 2) 497 I wish that Math had taken me as his pupil
(1, 2) 498 And tutored me in the making of live things.
(1, 2) 499 Gwydion gathered the most perfect petals
(1, 2) 500 And most delicate fronds from broom and meadowsweet
(1, 2) 501 And young oak leaves burnished by spring sun
(1, 2) 502 Rubbed supple by saliva and sweat and tears
(1, 2) 503 Gathered from young girls in feverish nights
(1, 2) 504 And wove and beaded and teased these into life.
(1, 2) 505 To make her. But nothing in that preparation
(1, 2) 506 Endowed her with rationality or responsibility
(1, 2) 507 No sense of duty, no honour.
(1, 2) 508 How could perfection have neglected
(1, 2) 509 The crowning achievements of the human mind?
(1, 2) 510 If I'd had his skills I would have fashioned
(1, 2) 511 A small soft animal or bird, weak and timid
(1, 2) 512 Whose loyalty was to the giver of food and warmth.
(1, 2) 513 The sense of duty bred by grateful dependence.
(1, 2) 514 Yes, I'd have made a companion, a comfort
(1, 2) 515 To spare my nights from being endless things.
 
(2, 1) 665 Deep in my mind I see them ride
(2, 1) 666 Gronw's rippling muscles, horses' mouths foam-flecked
(2, 1) 667 As hooves hit sparks from rock, and then...
(2, 1) 668 The horses' wheel, and rear. A dead stag
(2, 1) 669 They'd killed in their earlier hunting
(2, 1) 670 But hadn't returned to butcher, lies on the path.
(2, 1) 671 We know why. Gronw had found a sweeter meat
(2, 1) 672 To feast on. Now this forgotten carcass
(2, 1) 673 Has been blown big by three days hot sun
(2, 1) 674 Then punctured and opened by tearing beaks.
(2, 1) 675 Two ravens slowly strut, waiting their turn
(2, 1) 676 While a huge white headed eagle straddles ribs,
(2, 1) 677 Tearing at entrails, dipping into puddles of dark blood,
(2, 1) 678 Its white feathers soaked red. The stench of death
(2, 1) 679 Hangs from the air. A noble beast left out to rot.
(2, 1) 680 That's not the proper huntsman's practised way.
(2, 1) 681 But over cold custom now feverish needs holds sway.
 
(3, 1) 932 I had a troubled dream. I walked through snow,
(3, 1) 933 Frozen hard. Treacherous. Wind buffeted me.
(3, 1) 934 And there, ahead, a broken shape. But alive, moving.
(3, 1) 935 A bird. I called my man. What is it?
 
(3, 1) 938 A goshawk. Levering itself on one broken wing
(3, 1) 939 Its head turns, beak open, to hiss a threat.
 
(3, 1) 942 It stared at me, with burning golden eye,
(3, 1) 943 It rose, puffed out, lifting itself on one crooked wing,
(3, 1) 944 Splayed feathers extended like fingers
(3, 1) 945 Then it leapt from the snow... and laughed at me.
 
(3, 1) 949 And then I realised. Gwydion still haunts me.
(3, 1) 950 But no longer Llew. Or that girl of flowers
(3, 1) 951 Who will somehow decide our fates.
(3, 1) 952 My outcast son. I don't see him anymore.
(3, 1) 953 He's suddenly disappeared from my dreams.
(3, 1) 954 That's your doing.
 
(3, 1) 956 You steal from me. Plunder my very thoughts.
(3, 1) 957 It's your game, to leave me broken, empty.
(3, 1) 958 Did you steal my cub in the dark of night?
(3, 1) 959 Were you the gale that carried off my kestrel chick?
 
(3, 1) 961 You have. You stole my happiness. My youth.
(3, 1) 962 You know you did. And then you stole for him.
(3, 1) 963 You and he turning up here in the guise
(3, 1) 964 Of poor shoemakers. Tempting me down to the boat
(3, 1) 965 Where your wares were set out. You furled
(3, 1) 966 Seaweed around my foot and magicked it into leather
(3, 1) 967 Shaped to a perfect sandal. I marvelled at your skills.
 
(3, 1) 971 Oh, that tiny wren! That's flitted onto the prow...
 
(3, 1) 975 He's a lion with the truest hand I've seen.
 
(3, 1) 985 Get away from here Gwydion. From my lands,
(3, 1) 986 And from my dreams. If I could banish you forever...
 
(3, 1) 991 Old before my time. Deserted by you all. Dishonoured.
(3, 1) 992 And I disown you all. You, our dead brother, and Llew.
 
(3, 1) 1004 Go! Go to Annwn to rot with the corpse
(3, 1) 1005 Of your monstrous brother Gilfaethwy!
 
(4, 1) 1277 You. Back here. You
(4, 1) 1278 Who left me to wither to a windblown husk.
 
(4, 1) 1280 I heard that Llew was slain. Outside his fort in Ardudwy.
 
(4, 1) 1284 The wolves and kites and maggot-pies work quickly.
 
(4, 1) 1292 I also heard his fortress, princedom and Blodeuwedd
(4, 1) 1293 Are now possessed by another.
 
(4, 1) 1295 No lands, no wife, no son, no heir.
 
(4, 1) 1298 Why should I help you?
 
(4, 1) 1300 You're his father, my sister brother.
 
(4, 1) 1302 You're his father, Gwydion. You know this to be true.
 
(4, 1) 1304 Have you forgotten that stormy night
(4, 1) 1305 When we were Math's young charges,
(4, 1) 1306 You, me and Gilfaethwy?
(4, 1) 1307 Have you forgotten?
(4, 1) 1308 The two of you came to my bed.
(4, 1) 1309 You'd been drinking and fighting.
(4, 1) 1310 Gilfaethwy was in some frenzy
(4, 1) 1311 Made wild by mead and lust and anger.
(4, 1) 1312 He raped me. Or tried to. I used all my strength
(4, 1) 1313 To fight him off. My own brother was an animal
(4, 1) 1314 He hit me and hurt me but failed to penetrate me.
(4, 1) 1315 Sleep stayed his violence. I lay numbed and hurting.
(4, 1) 1316 Then you, you Gwydion, my sister brother climbed upon me
(4, 1) 1317 Pinned me down and forced yourself inside me.
(4, 1) 1318 Ever the coward, you stole your brother's
(4, 1) 1319 Exhausted prey. You are Llew's father.
 
(4, 1) 1321 My life was changed forever Gwydion.
(4, 1) 1322 Since that night my thoughts are run through
(4, 1) 1323 With darkness. I've trusted no-one. Loved no-one.
(4, 1) 1324 Not you my brother, and not Llew our son.