A Monologue for Me

Cue-sheet for Morley

(Branscombe) {Rousing himself.}
 
(Branscombe) Have you got a new play for me?
(0, 1) 11 There's nothing new under the sun, Branscombe.
(0, 1) 12 I've got something for you, but I haven't the courage to call it a play.
(Branscombe) What is it then─a dirge or a comic song?
 
(Branscombe) What is it then─a dirge or a comic song?
(0, 1) 14 A hotch-potch written to your order; a fret-work of silliness, with more fret than sense.
(Branscombe) It sounds good.
 
(Branscombe) It sounds good.
(0, 1) 16 I'm sorry you think so.
(0, 1) 17 I wish you would produce that other little play of mine, "The Real Thing."
(Branscombe) That sentimental oozing from a sickly soul, with four people in it?
 
(Branscombe) Never!
(0, 1) 20 It's strong, emotional, human.
(Branscombe) Managers wouldn't look at it.
 
(Branscombe) Managers wouldn't look at it.
(0, 1) 22 They are not all such fools as you think.
(0, 1) 23 They don't all shout the parrot-cry, "Comedy, comedy, and nothing but comedy."
(Branscombe) No─some of 'em shout "Drivel," and the rest shout "Farce," or "Amen."
 
(0, 1) 29 There it is, written down to your level.
(Branscombe) Tut! tut! you're always in the clouds.
 
(Branscombe) The public, bless 'em! come to see me, not the play.
(0, 1) 33 True! you are more substantial than the play, and an intellectual appeal has no chance in a physical competition.
(Branscombe) All right, old man, don't get cynical.
 
(Branscombe) You can take it from me that the great B.P. don't want emotions and tears, but action and laughter.
(0, 1) 37 Then why the deuce don't you caper about the stage with a set of dummies, and leave real plays for fools to perform?
(Branscombe) {Laughing.}
 
(0, 1) 42 Yes!
(0, 1) 43 Tie a bladder to a stick, belabour a fellow in an ass's skin, and drive home the moral on a big drum.
(Branscombe) A cheap orchestra, by jove!
 
(Branscombe) Why, they'd roar themselves hoarse at such a show.
(0, 1) 46 There are some people who laugh at the stolid glint in the eye of a pig; who's world is his stomach and whose life is a grunt.
(Branscombe) {Good-humouredly.}
 
(Branscombe) My dear old chap, people must have bacon, and they must laugh; and if they don't find drama to their taste, why on earth shouldn't they have pigs and squeals?
(0, 1) 49 They don't want pig.
(0, 1) 50 You simply shove it down their throats, like a beastly emetic.
(0, 1) 51 You don't even try to make it up into decent sausage.
(Branscombe) Who's responsible, I'd like to know?
 
(Branscombe) Who's responsible, I'd like to know?
(0, 1) 53 Just a few misguided men, who think the British Public has no morals, men who only have a nose for filth.
(0, 1) 54 Unfortunately, they are in authority.
(0, 1) 55 I wish to the lord we had a real Censor.
(Branscombe) My dear Morley, draw it mild.
 
(Branscombe) Don't let the pot boil over, or you'll scald yourself.
(0, 1) 58 I'll have my say, if I die for it.
(Branscombe) You are too altruistic for this sinful world, my son.
 
(Branscombe) Break out in A Monologue for me, fling sentiment to the dogs, and there you are.
(0, 1) 63 I can't do it.
(0, 1) 64 If I am to write 'decently, I must hear and see my characters about me, and feel that they have a story worth the telling.
(0, 1) 65 The clash of interests, the crash of action, and the warring moods of men and women can alone make a living picture.
(0, 1) 66 A monologue's beyond me.
(0, 1) 67 I might as well take up a rapier, and cut and thrust at a sack of sawdust, and pretend it's a duel, as attempt to clothe a lump of flesh with dramatic interest.
(0, 1) 68 Try it yourself.
(0, 1) 69 Write an Epistle to the Public; declaim it from the stage, with antics to suit the words, and see what'll come of it. {Throws himself into a chair.}
(Branscombe) I'll do it!
 
(Branscombe) It's personality does it.
(0, 1) 76 A unique personality to put his soul into the leg of his trousers.
(0, 1) 77 A leg-up in that way doesn't appeal to me.
(Branscombe) {With a laugh.}
 
(Branscombe) You're getting on!
(0, 1) 80 A play must have balance, Branscombe, and the balance of a man on one leg is precarious, to say the least of it.
(Branscombe) It would give you a balance at the bank, and that's the only balance that matters.
 
(Branscombe) It would give you a balance at the bank, and that's the only balance that matters.
(0, 1) 82 What about self-respect─reputation?
(Branscombe) {Who had been dipping into the MS. suddenly glares at MORLEY, strikes the MS.
 
(Branscombe) I'll show you how to write a play.
(0, 1) 89 It won't be worth the bray of an ass when you have done with it.
(Branscombe) Apologise, you brute!
 
(Branscombe) Apologise, you brute!
(0, 1) 91 Well, it will be worth the bray of an ass, and that's about all.
 
(0, 1) 93 I say, leave the covers.
(Branscombe) {Tosses the mutilated MS. to MorLEY.}
 
(0, 1) 97 It's characteristic.
(0, 1) 98 The soul has been struck out of it, and there's only flesh left.
(Branscombe) The bigger the folly, the bigger the laugh.
 
(Branscombe) The bigger the folly, the bigger the laugh.
(0, 1) 100 The world lives to laugh now and cry later on.
(Branscombe) It's good to laugh 'till you cry.
 
(Branscombe) I'll do the big part, and you throw in interjections, to keep me going.
(0, 1) 106 But there's a girl in it.
(0, 1) 107 You can't tie a girl down to interjections.
(0, 1) 108 If you do, there'!l be something unprintable said.
(Branscombe) Good!
 
(Branscombe) She musn't be smart at the very start.
(0, 1) 123 For Heaven's sake! don't make bad jokes.
(Branscombe) Our best judge does it─poor "darling"!─ahem!
 
(Branscombe) It catches the B.P. under the fifth rib, gastric gurgle, you know.
(0, 1) 127 Oh, get on, and don't drag in physiology; there's enough beastliness in plays without that.
(Branscombe) Fastidious youth!
 
(Branscombe) The Johnnie who fuddled it up ought to be sentenced to six months in the bubbly bottle division, lemonade side.
(0, 1) 134 Do be serious!
(0, 1) 135 The girl {points to page} there is accused of stealing bank notes from her employer's safe.
(Branscombe) Rot!
 
(Branscombe) I can make a lot out of that.
(0, 1) 144 I thought "Uncle" usually made the profit.
(Branscombe) What's the odds, so long as I make the jokes?
 
(Branscombe) What's the odds, so long as I make the jokes?
(0, 1) 146 You can't joke in a Court of Law.
(Branscombe) You can do anything in a Court of Mono-law-g, dear boy.
 
(Branscombe) You can commit a judge for contempt of court; make the jury sing comic songs; criticise the critics; and make every fellow see himself as he ought not to be.
(0, 1) 149 You seem to have got your ideas from the funny man in the bar of a pub on Saturday night.
(Branscombe) The spirit speaks─what!
 
(Branscombe) A pal at the back throws a cabbage at me, by way of fraternal greeting, and the court missionary presents the peeress in the dock with a red rose, peppered with snuff, the emblem of tears.
(0, 1) 155 Branscombe, old chap, your mind is wandering.
(Branscombe) Lottery-tottery; but what matter?
 
(Branscombe) The peeress in the dock sniffs the snuff in the red rose, gets into wild hysterics, and the court missionary swears by all the demons of ruddy ruin─
(0, 1) 158 Stop, stop!
(0, 1) 159 Missionaries don't swear.
(Branscombe) My missionary does.
 
(Branscombe) What do you say to that?
(0, 1) 165 It's the most crazy thing ever imagined out of Bedlam.
(Branscombe) What's crazy to you will be a craze to the B.P.
 
(0, 1) 173 lf I didn't know you, I should say you'd got acute "D.T.'s."
(Branscombe) The B.P. understand D.T.'s; they don't understand the higher ethics.
 
(Branscombe) Here's success to The Monologue!
(0, 1) 185 May it be buried twenty thousand fathoms deep in the dead sea!
 
(0, 1) 187 If you'd only put on "The Real Thing," and get away from your past.
(Branscombe) Dear boy! my past is my repast, I live on it.
 
(0, 1) 199 Geraldine!─
(0, 1) 200 You!
(Branscombe) You appear to know my Secretary, Morley?
 
(Branscombe) You appear to know my Secretary, Morley?
(0, 1) 204 Yes.
 
(0, 1) 206 Geraldine!
(0, 1) 207 Are you sorry to see me?
(Geraldine) {Struggling with emotion.}
 
(Geraldine) It is dreadful to meet you like this.
(0, 1) 210 What do you mean?
(0, 1) 211 I have been searching for you everywhere.
(0, 1) 212 You come back into my life, and I am glad─glad!
(Geraldine) It would be better for you─to forget me.
 
(Geraldine) It would be better for you─to forget me.
(0, 1) 214 I don't want to forget you.
(0, 1) 215 Since you left me, you have never been out of my thoughts.
(Geraldine) After what happened, I can never come back to you, never!
 
(Geraldine) After what happened, I can never come back to you, never!
(0, 1) 217 I don't understand.
(0, 1) 218 You speak of something that happened?
(Geraldine) You must know─you do know.
 
(Geraldine) Don't ask me to recall those days of shame!
(0, 1) 221 I want your story from your own lips.
(Geraldine) {In a low voice.}
 
(Geraldine) I feared what you would think, feared that you would drive me from you; and I couldn't face that.
(0, 1) 227 You need not have feared.
(0, 1) 228 Tell me the truth.
(0, 1) 229 You will find that I am not a harsh judge.
(Geraldine) I have told the truth to others.
 
(Geraldine) Words can't bring it back.
(0, 1) 244 But there is the future.
 
(0, 1) 246 Why do you distrust me?
(0, 1) 247 Is it kind of you?
(0, 1) 248 Is it fair?
(Geraldine) It is for your sake I am siient.
 
(Geraldine) It is for your sake I am siient.
(0, 1) 250 For my sake?
(0, 1) 251 Nothing matters to me but─you.
(0, 1) 252 Tell me the truth.
(Geraldine) The truth?
 
(Branscombe) What on earth does she mean, Morley?
(0, 1) 263 Hush!
(Geraldine) They took me there.
 
(Branscombe) What right have you to ask her to bare her soul to you?
(0, 1) 277 She─is─my─wife.
(Branscombe) Your wife!
 
(Branscombe) Poor little girl!
(0, 1) 283 Stay, Branscombe.
(0, 1) 284 You, as her employer, have a right to hear her story.
(Geraldine) {Looking up, still a little dazed.}
 
(0, 1) 303 Thank you, Branscombe.
(0, 1) 304 I won't forget
 
(0, 1) 306 I feel horribly upset.
(0, 1) 307 But she's done no wrong, that I'll swear.
(0, 1) 308 I met her two years ago.
(0, 1) 309 She was a typist in a solicitor's office.
(0, 1) 310 She had been on the stage.
(0, 1) 311 I married her.
(0, 1) 312 My plays didn't pay.
(0, 1) 313 She stuck to her post to help to keep the home going.
(0, 1) 314 One day she didn't come home.
(0, 1) 315 The next morning the newspapers─
 
(0, 1) 317 My God!
(0, 1) 318 Branscombe, it's hard to tell you.
(Geraldine) {In broken sentences.}
 
(Branscombe) Ah!
(0, 1) 323 Some enemy must have put them there.
(Branscombe) Go on, Miss─Mrs. Morley.
 
(Geraldine) I couldn't remember what I had done, my brain was in a whirl, I thought I should go mad!
(0, 1) 333 Poor little woman!
(Geraldine) That night I slept in the cells.
 
(Geraldine) It gave me back to the world, a woman without a character, a thing to be jeered at and scorned.
(0, 1) 344 I was there waiting for you.
(0, 1) 345 I watched for hours, to take you home.
(0, 1) 346 But you didn't come.
(Geraldine) No, I couldn't face you.
 
(Geraldine) I─I thought my heart would break.
(0, 1) 352 Why did you let me go?
(Geraldine) I loved you─loved you too much to bring a shadow into your life.
 
(Geraldine) Only indeed, indeed, I never did it.
(0, 1) 356 I know you have never done anything in your life to be ashamed of.
(Geraldine) {With a little gasp of wonder.}
 
(0, 1) 360 When I look into your eyes, I see the truth that leaves no doubt.
(Geraldine) {As MORLEY is speaking, a smile creeps into her eyes and hovers round her lips, and, as he ceases, a glad little cry escapes her.}
 
(0, 1) 364 You know now.
(Geraldine) {In a whisper.}
 
(Branscombe) What the deuce is there to laugh about?
(0, 1) 383 My little plays generally end in a laugh.
(Branscombe) Your little plays!
 
(0, 1) 387 Forgive me, old fellow.
(0, 1) 388 We've been acting a little scene from my play, "The Real Thing."
(0, 1) 389 It was the only way to compel your attention.
(0, 1) 390 How do you like it?
(Branscombe) Like it?
 
(Branscombe) I beg your pardon.
(0, 1) 400 Can't you stretch a point, Miss Geraldine, and make my play a little more real?
(Geraldine) It would be guite convincing then, wouldn't it?
 
(Geraldine) It would be guite convincing then, wouldn't it?
(0, 1) 402 It would be The Real Thing─if you were really Mrs. Morley.
(Branscombe) If it's a match, Morley, my boy, I'll produce your play with the same cast─as a wedding present.
 
(Branscombe) If it's a match, Morley, my boy, I'll produce your play with the same cast─as a wedding present.
(0, 1) 404 What about a Monologue for you?
(Branscombe) {Laughing.}
 
(Geraldine) It would be a pity to spoil such a splendid chance.
(0, 1) 410 An awful pity!