| Scene 2 Ivor rushes into the studio, instantly takes off his shoes. |
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| Ivor |
I'm here. Sorry. Bore da, Gwenith. How are you? |
| Gwenith |
Bore da. It's a good day today. (Points to his socks.) A sanau. |
| Ivor |
I don't speak Welsh. But I think I should. |
| Gwenith |
And socks. |
| Ivor |
Oh right. |
| Takes off his socks |
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| Ivor |
We all set? Someone's had a wipe down, can you smell that? |
| Gwenith |
Bara brith? Laverbread? Gorwydd Caerphilly? Salseg? Salad? |
| Ivor |
No, like disinfectant? Swimming pool smell. |
| He backs up and bumps into one of the interns as if they pinched his bum. Ivor introduces himself to the interns inside the studio who assisted Gwenith, assuming they are actors brought in for the day. He waves to the others in the suite. |
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| Ivor |
Nice to see some new faces. |
| Alison |
(Over studio mic.) Why are you late? |
| Ivor |
Only a little. |
| Alison |
Why are you a little late? |
| Ivor |
I bumped into Jerry Thomas. He sends his love. |
| Alison |
I thought he was on holiday? |
| Ivor |
No, no, I don't think so. |
| Alison |
No, he definitely is. Says in my calendar. |
| Ivor |
Is he? That's strange. |
| Alison |
Yes. It is. |
| Ivor |
Interesting. But I wasn't late because of that anyway, there was an accident... incident on the road. Terrible traffic. Anyway, shall we pick up where we left off... the Red Queen? What page was it? |
| Alison |
Don't bring your gayness into it, Ivor. (To the interns.) I love the gays but I didn't expect my husband to be one. (Back to studio.) Right. Where's this accident then? (Gets out her phone.). I think I get reports, I should let people know. |
| Ivor |
It wasn't anything major. Cleared after. Just a hit and run. It probably won't show up. Just a beggar boy... child... match-stick seller... drug user or something. Who cares? |
| Alison |
You're deviating. Are you alright? You seem flustered. |
| Ivor |
Yes, no, well it was traumatic. This isn't... I'm not... Sorry, no, I don't know why I'm saying this. I'm just late. Nothing happened. I'm late. (Looks at Fabian.) Has he been here all night? |
| Alison |
Ignore him. (To the interns.) He's being punished. Previous assistant producer, long story. You probably heard. But why were you late? You must have been late for a reason. Is everything ok at home? |
| Ivor |
Have you had your hair cut? |
| Alison |
No |
| Ivor |
Oh |
| Alison |
But thank you for noticing. So all ok at home? |
| Ivor |
What? Yes of course. I'm just late. Apologies. Sorry. (To Gwenith.) Sorry. |
| Gwenith |
It's fine |
| Ivor |
(To Fabian.) Sorry |
| Fabian shrugs. |
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| Alison |
But why? You've kept us waiting, so we at least deserve to know the truth. |
| Gwenith |
To be honest,I got here early so I think we started on time pretty much/ |
| Alison |
/Do you want to go tune your big violin so it's ready? |
| Gwenith |
It has been tuned. |
| Alison |
It needs doing again. I strummed it when you were throwing yourself at the trainees and the strings have gone slack. |
| Gwenith |
Throwing myself? They were helping me in. |
| Alison |
I could see that. I'm not sure how numb you are down there but that gentleman had his finger inside you so just be careful. Easy target in a chair. Don't be a drip, Gwenith. (Hitler-esque sign.) Reverse. |
| Ivor |
I wasn't even late. |
| Alison |
Come to the window. You're forgetting, I know you Ivor. You're always early. Same yesterday. What's going on? Few disagreements? Things not working out? |
| Ivor |
Look, if you must know, Bastian was in the front room muscle-tongue-talking and he doesn't like to be disturbed. But my slender tone belt was in there so I had to wait. Same yesterday. You'd think I'd learn but I forgot to get it out. |
| Alison |
Can't teach an old dog new tricks. Sit down. Slender tone? |
| Ivor lifts his top to show a slender tone belt. |
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| Alison |
Haven't had it long then? |
| Ivor |
Nice, Alison, nice. Happy now? |
| Alison |
Ok, let's crack on. Sit down, Ivor. |
| Ivor |
(Through gritted teeth.) Stop telling me what to do. I don't want to sit down. I'll sit when I want to sit and now I want to sit. |
| Alison |
Bear with. (To the interns.) So easy to wind up. |
| Alison looks at her recording running order. |
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| Ivor |
Bastian also wanted me to nip by Organ Gordon Juice Co and get him a detox warrior, full of vits. |
| Gwenith |
Oh lovely. |
| Ivor |
We'd normally make it all fresh from home but it was a bit chaotic this morning. Strict full veg diet at the moment. Opens up the brain's pores. Then it's just the meats next month. Always blended. Bastian likes everything mashed. Mashed and mushy. |
| Gwenith |
I love making nut milk through a muslim cloth. |
| Alison |
We got all the main scenes done yesterday, well-done me, so it's all the poems today and just the crowd fillers, background audio and soundscape, and maybe some pick-ups. (To the interns in the studio.). You two can help so stay in there. Can we position ourselves around the central mic for the sounds of excited clams. |
| They all make their way over. Gwenith wheels herself in the very centre of the mic, indicating that she needs plenty of space for the chair and at the same time taking prize audio position. Ivor runs through briefly with the interns what they need to do. |
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| Alison |
(To the interns with Gwenith.) So I'm making an executive decision here with the soundscape, because unfortunately we're not going to have the writer, Gwilym, here today. He decided after I called him last night it's best not to come in today because of his illness, but let's not mention it to the actors and bring a dampener on the whole thing. We'll probably get a lot more done without him anyway, so... |
| Bethan |
What illness? |
| Alison |
I have no idea, but the flakiness was definitely becoming an issue for everyone involved. He's obviously got something. I mean it was everywhere. Anyway, I said let's not dwell. We can cover all things Gwil in the debrief. (Into the studio mic.) So this is to accompany 'The Walrus and The Carpenter' poem Ivor did yesterday. |
| Ivor |
Oh, can I do that again? I wasn't overly happy with it, so I've been thinking about some ideas over night to make it better. |
| Alison |
Well, we would love to hear, consider (to the interns), then trash (back to Ivor) those ideas if we have time. (To the interns.) Always fool actors into thinking their ideas are valid, you don't want to lose them. (Back into the studio mic.) Are we all behind the marks? Good. The Oyster scene. You have been lured out of the sea and promised a story by two friendly strangers: a large toothy seal who hangs out with a carpenter. They will eventually eat you whole, in a seaman-like way. You are excited, jolly and clammy. We'll give you the light in a sec, bear with... (Picking an intern.) I'd like you to mark down the takes as we go. In whatever style you've learned so we know where we are and where we can cut from and to. We may get a clean one but that's doubtful. Bethan will call out the numbers. |
| As Alison is explaining the task as vaguely as possible, Ivor takes the opportunity to run through his new ideas to the interns inside the studio and Gwenith as they wait for the light. Alison zones into the conversation. |
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| Ivor |
... It just came to me late last night. I had to write it down. Bastian was fast asleep in bed. |
| Alison gesticulates vomiting. |
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| Alison |
No one wants to hear that. Ready? |
| Bethan |
This is 72. |
| Bethan waits with her stop-watch. This is done in every take. Recording light. The interns in the studio, Ivor and Gwenith makes oyster sounds. Recording light off. |
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| Alison |
And again. We'll give you the light. |
| Bethan |
This is 73. |
| Recording light on. Stop-watch. Oyster sounds. Recording light off. She glares into the studio. |
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| Alison |
And again. We'll give you the light. |
| Bethan |
This is 74. |
| Recording light on. Stop-watch. Oyster sounds. Recording light off. |
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| Alison |
(Into mic.) Can I hear them individually? Ivor? |
| Ivor makes his sound. |
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| Alison |
You? |
| Intern makes a sound. |
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| Alison |
You? |
| Intern makes a sound. |
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| Alison |
Gwenith? |
| Gwenith makes her sound. |
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| Alison |
There it is. Again. |
| Gwenith makes the same sound. Alison goes into the studio. |
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| Alison |
Again. |
| Gwenith makes her sound. Alison hits her on the head. |
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| Alison |
Again. |
| Gwenith makes her sound. Alison hits her on the head. |
|
| Alison |
Again. |
| Gwenith makes her sound. Alison hits her on the head. This continues until Gwenith changes her sound. Alison stares at Fabian. |
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| Alison |
(She winks at Gwenith.) Good. Remember what I said. |
| Ivor |
What did you say? |
| Alison |
Nosey, nosey. |
| She makes her way back to the suite, using a fob to get her out. |
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| Alison |
(indicating the fob issue.) Don't ask. (To the actors.). We'll give you the light. |
| Bethan |
This is 75. |
| Recording light on. Stop-watch Group sound. |
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[More text to be added] |