| (0, 1) 6 | Hullo! |
| (0, 1) 7 | Morley. |
| (0, 1) 8 | Glad to see you. |
| (0, 1) 9 | You're as welcome as the sign of a "pub" to a thirsty man. |
| (0, 1) 10 | Have you got a new play for me? |
| (0, 1) 13 | What is it then─a dirge or a comic song? |
| (0, 1) 15 | It sounds good. |
| (0, 1) 18 | That sentimental oozing from a sickly soul, with four people in it? |
| (0, 1) 19 | Never! |
| (0, 1) 21 | Managers wouldn't look at it. |
| (0, 1) 24 | No─some of 'em shout "Drivel," and the rest shout "Farce," or "Amen." |
| (0, 1) 25 | You've got to mix the wildly improbable with the infinitely ridiculous, put it into my serious mouth, and it'll come out in golden drops of mirth. |
| (0, 1) 26 | Let's see the hotch-potch. |
| (0, 1) 27 | If it's a monologue for me, it's all right. |
| (0, 1) 30 | Tut! tut! you're always in the clouds. |
| (0, 1) 31 | I can make anything go down with a gurgle, if it's written round my personality. |
| (0, 1) 32 | The public, bless 'em! come to see me, not the play. |
| (0, 1) 34 | All right, old man, don't get cynical. |
| (0, 1) 35 | It isn't natural at your time of life. |
| (0, 1) 36 | You can take it from me that the great B.P. don't want emotions and tears, but action and laughter. |
| (0, 1) 39 | Not a bad idea! |
| (0, 1) 40 | Can you suggest a few details for such a masterpiece? |
| (0, 1) 44 | A cheap orchestra, by jove! |
| (0, 1) 45 | Why, they'd roar themselves hoarse at such a show. |
| (0, 1) 48 | My dear old chap, people must have bacon, and they must laugh; and if they don't find drama to their taste, why on earth shouldn't they have pigs and squeals? |
| (0, 1) 52 | Who's responsible, I'd like to know? |
| (0, 1) 56 | My dear Morley, draw it mild. |
| (0, 1) 57 | Don't let the pot boil over, or you'll scald yourself. |
| (0, 1) 59 | You are too altruistic for this sinful world, my son. |
| (0, 1) 60 | The wise man smokes shag when he can't rise to a cigar. |
| (0, 1) 61 | Take my tip, and make the best of pig. |
| (0, 1) 62 | Break out in A Monologue for me, fling sentiment to the dogs, and there you are. |
| (0, 1) 70 | I'll do it! |
| (0, 1) 71 | I'll give 'em Branscombe up to date! |
| (0, 1) 73 | Look here! if I got on that chair, and held up my leg by the hem of my trousers, and the thing ripped {imitates ripping cloth} they'd scream themselves hoarse. |
| (0, 1) 74 | The curious thing is, if you did it, they wouldn't laugh at all, because yeu couldn't put your soul into it. |
| (0, 1) 75 | It's personality does it. |
| (0, 1) 79 | You're getting on! |
| (0, 1) 81 | It would give you a balance at the bank, and that's the only balance that matters. |
| (0, 1) 84 | in the flat of his hand.} |
| (0, 1) 85 | Reputation! |
| (0, 1) 86 | You talk about reputation─you─who dare to cut me up─me─into the fourth part of a quartette. |
| (0, 1) 87 | Have I climbed to fame to be smothered, overlain, by this quadrigenarious quartette? |
| (0, 1) 88 | I'll show you how to write a play. |
| (0, 1) 90 | Apologise, you brute! |
| (0, 1) 95 | What do you think of that for a bit of critic's work? |
| (0, 1) 99 | The bigger the folly, the bigger the laugh. |
| (0, 1) 101 | It's good to laugh 'till you cry. |
| (0, 1) 102 | Give me the book. |
| (0, 1) 104 | Here we are! |
| (0, 1) 105 | I'll do the big part, and you throw in interjections, to keep me going. |
| (0, 1) 109 | Good! |
| (0, 1) 110 | That'll tickle the gallery. |
| (0, 1) 111 | Here, sit down and take notes in shorthand. |
| (0, 1) 113 | We'll give her a line or two to keep her quiet. |
| (0, 1) 114 | H'm! |
| (0, 1) 115 | ~ |
| (0, 1) 116 | I'm a Judge, about to sentence a prisoner for larceny. |
| (0, 1) 118 | Notice the attitude and the judicial cough. |
| (0, 1) 120 | Eleanor Rachel Smart. |
| (0, 1) 121 | No, that won't do. |
| (0, 1) 122 | She musn't be smart at the very start. |
| (0, 1) 124 | Our best judge does it─poor "darling"!─ahem! |
| (0, 1) 125 | Always gas, dear boy, when there's a vacuum to be filled. |
| (0, 1) 126 | It catches the B.P. under the fifth rib, gastric gurgle, you know. |
| (0, 1) 128 | Fastidious youth! |
| (0, 1) 129 | Attention! |
| (0, 1) 130 | Scene one:─Prisoner at the bar, you are accused of stealing {fumbles with the pages} stealing─ |
| (0, 1) 131 | There's no reference here to the article purloined. |
| (0, 1) 132 | The indictment is bad in law, worse than the offence in morals. |
| (0, 1) 133 | The Johnnie who fuddled it up ought to be sentenced to six months in the bubbly bottle division, lemonade side. |
| (0, 1) 136 | Rot! |
| (0, 1) 137 | If the safe was safe, she couldn't steal 'em. |
| (0, 1) 138 | No, it was a gold locket; from her lover, heart shaped, of course. |
| (0, 1) 139 | He gave it her as a pledge of something or other. |
| (0, 1) 140 | They quarrelled, and he forgot. |
| (0, 1) 141 | Portia defends herself─through me─and turns the tables on the unsafe safe-maker and the lost memory mortal, and gets compensation from the government. |
| (0, 1) 142 | Work in a joke about pledges─my Uncle's pawn-ticket─see? |
| (0, 1) 143 | I can make a lot out of that. |
| (0, 1) 145 | What's the odds, so long as I make the jokes? |
| (0, 1) 147 | You can do anything in a Court of Mono-law-g, dear boy. |
| (0, 1) 148 | You can commit a judge for contempt of court; make the jury sing comic songs; criticise the critics; and make every fellow see himself as he ought not to be. |
| (0, 1) 150 | The spirit speaks─what! |
| (0, 1) 151 | "Hi, waiter! |
| (0, 1) 152 | Three pen'oth o' gin 'ot: an' I'll toss yer who pyes." |
| (0, 1) 153 | I get my laugh, hurry back to the Seat of Justice, dab my nose with red, and let the gin speak. |
| (0, 1) 154 | A pal at the back throws a cabbage at me, by way of fraternal greeting, and the court missionary presents the peeress in the dock with a red rose, peppered with snuff, the emblem of tears. |
| (0, 1) 156 | Lottery-tottery; but what matter? |
| (0, 1) 157 | The peeress in the dock sniffs the snuff in the red rose, gets into wild hysterics, and the court missionary swears by all the demons of ruddy ruin─ |
| (0, 1) 160 | My missionary does. |
| (0, 1) 161 | He's not a common missionary. |
| (0, 1) 162 | The noble judge comforts the pretty peeress and encourages her to hold the snuffy rose under the missionary's nose, until he dies sneezing. |
| (0, 1) 163 | Talk about poetical justice! |
| (0, 1) 164 | What do you say to that? |
| (0, 1) 166 | What's crazy to you will be a craze to the B.P. |
| (0, 1) 167 | Don't be jealous! |
| (0, 1) 168 | You shall have all the credit, and it'll make you infamous! |
| (0, 1) 169 | Observe. |
| (0, 1) 170 | Nobody speaks but me in this monologue. |
| (0, 1) 171 | The missionary and the maid move only when I pull the strings. |
| (0, 1) 174 | The B.P. understand D.T.'s; they don't understand the higher ethics. |
| (0, 1) 176 | Pshaw! |
| (0, 1) 177 | The beastly thing has got tangled up. |
| (0, 1) 178 | It was you chippin' in that spoiled it all. |
| (0, 1) 179 | Never mind! it'll stand for all time as a mighty intellectual effort. |
| (0, 1) 180 | Give me a whiskey and soda and help yourself. |
| (0, 1) 182 | We've done a jolly good morning's work. |
| (0, 1) 183 | We deserve a drink. |
| (0, 1) 184 | Here's success to The Monologue! |
| (0, 1) 188 | Dear boy! my past is my repast, I live on it. |
| (0, 1) 190 | There's a knock at the door. |
| (0, 1) 191 | Come in! |
| (0, 1) 203 | You appear to know my Secretary, Morley? |
| (0, 1) 234 | I'll leave you, Morley. |
| (0, 1) 236 | Poor little girl! |
| (0, 1) 261 | The Police Court? |
| (0, 1) 262 | What on earth does she mean, Morley? |
| (0, 1) 272 | I say, this is very distressing, Morley. |
| (0, 1) 273 | I don't know what to─to─ |
| (0, 1) 274 | Oh, damn it! I'm going to stand by you. |
| (0, 1) 275 | Can't you see that you are torturing her? |
| (0, 1) 276 | What right have you to ask her to bare her soul to you? |
| (0, 1) 278 | Your wife! |
| (0, 1) 279 | Forgive me, old fellow. |
| (0, 1) 280 | I'll go; she may speak more freely when you are alone. |
| (0, 1) 282 | Poor little girl! |
| (0, 1) 293 | Come, Miss─Mrs. Morley, we are both your friends, and we're going to see you through. |
| (0, 1) 295 | Tell us all about it. |
| (0, 1) 296 | We'll find a way to straighten things out, you bet. |
| (0, 1) 297 | There's my hand. |
| (0, 1) 322 | Ah! |
| (0, 1) 324 | Go on, Miss─Mrs. Morley. |
| (0, 1) 369 | Pshaw! pooh! |
| (0, 1) 370 | What a fool I am! |
| (0, 1) 373 | A damn rotten business I call it. |
| (0, 1) 374 | Somebody ought to be shot. |
| (0, 1) 378 | Eh! what! |
| (0, 1) 380 | You've soon got over it! |
| (0, 1) 382 | What the deuce is there to laugh about? |
| (0, 1) 384 | Your little plays! |
| (0, 1) 385 | You're funny, aren't you? |
| (0, 1) 391 | Like it? |
| (0, 1) 393 | I feel inclined to break your neck. |
| (0, 1) 394 | You've taken an unfair advantage of me. |
| (0, 1) 395 | As for you, Mrs. Morley─ |
| (0, 1) 398 | The devil!─ |
| (0, 1) 399 | I beg your pardon. |
| (0, 1) 403 | If it's a match, Morley, my boy, I'll produce your play with the same cast─as a wedding present. |
| (0, 1) 406 | Shut up! |
| (0, 1) 407 | Miss O'Connor, the word's with you. |
| (0, 1) 408 | Is it a bargain? |