| The space is sometimes a radio studio and sometimes an 'actors holding room', complete with carpeted area and paving. It mutates between the two also with the use of microphones. There is a red/green recording light, a small refreshments table with kitsch old fashioned mix – matched cups and saucers, an assortment of biscuits as well as soundproofing. Chairs and sofas may be present along with some items for foley work. The Studio has not been updated with the times and has an old fashioned feel to it. In one corner is a suggestion of Christmas in the form of a decorated tree, a nativity crib and a free standing Saint Nicholas figurine. For the performers: there are two worlds created here – the reality of the actors recording a radio play, which should be naturalistic and snappy, and the other world that often separates the scenes in stylistic vignettes is the surreal, eccentric world of fantasy. These lines will progressively blur as seen in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Scene 1 |
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A Silent Start |
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| The opening scene happens in silence. As the audience arrive in the studio, NICK STEED is sat CS. He makes easy contact with the audience, acknowledging their presence. He checks his phone occasionally (arguments with Ming, his wife). A red recording light is on. He encourages the audience to keep quiet as they take their seats but takes this prime opportunity to silently sell his recent album. There should be as much silence as possible. Once the audience are seated, enter GAEL LOBO. NICK immediately indicates the red recording light and the two shake hands in silence. GAEL sits making easy contact with the audience and NICK. Some time passes. Enter ELIN-ROSE PHILLIPS. NICK and GAEL indicate the red recording light, kissing or shaking hands with ELIN-ROSE. ELIN-ROSE sits, making easy contact with the audience, NICK and GAEL. Some time passes. Enter TOBY GREY. NICK and GAEL indicate the red recording light and the three shake hands. TOBY greets ELIN-ROSE. TOBY makes easy contact with the audience, NICK, GAEL and ELINROSE. Some time passes. TOBY rises from his seat and moves towards the refreshments table. He begins to make himself a cup of tea. He has a disability in one of his hands. Everything on the table is tricky and proves an obstacle for him: polystyrene cups in a long tube casing, stiff coffee lid, sugar cubes that are removed with special tongs, a plastic ring pull on the milk carton and an unusually large industrial kettle. As he begins to tackle each obstacle the others look on, unsure of what to do as he struggles with each item. GAEL tries to intervene and provide help, which is quickly but politely rejected. The others watch in discomfort. As the sequence reaches its unbearable climax – enter FABIAN PADMOORE-PONDS. FABIAN is carrying an armload of papers and is half greeting the room and half finishing a conversation with his boss, Head of Radio Drama ALISON, who is in the corridor. |
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| Fabian |
(Calling off to ALISON in the corridor.) Will do Alison, thanks Alison... Oh, what's that red light still doing on? That must have been left on from yesterday. What are we like! (To audience.) Hello, thank you for coming... Seasonal greetings to all. You are in for a very special treat. (Back to Alison OS.) Yes, catch you at lunch, god willing, ha.... (Addressing the room.) Hello! So, so, so exciting to see you all. Here we are at last eh? Sorry, let me just pop these down here if I may Gail... |
| Gael |
It's Gael. |
| Fabian |
Gael. Sorry. Of course it is. My bad. Gael, Gael, Ga... excuse me for a second will you Gail. (Back to ALISON.) Pardon Alison?... Will do... uh huh... thanks Alison. (Back to the room.) Hello Team Wonderl... Sorry everyone, give me two secs. (Back to Alison.) Alison?... Alison? Alison? Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison... Alison! (Back to the room.) No, I've lost her. Sorry about that. And breathe! Hello Team Wonderland! (Shaking each of them by the hand, conveniently skips Toby.) So first thing's first, lets introduce you all officially to our competition winners and live audience. Nobody say bollocks! (Big round of applause.) So, we have Elin-Rose Phillips, say hello. |
| Elin-Rose |
Hello... |
| Fabian |
Shall we say a little bit about... No, never mind, no time. And, we are very lucky to have THE Nick Steed on board, absolute honour. Let's not embarrass him. Gail Lobo. |
| Gael |
Gael. |
| Fabian |
Gael! So sorry! Someone pass me a shot gun. (Mimes shooting himself in the head.) Great to have you with us. And Toby Grey, here we go... (Goes to shake his hand but Toby waves his withered hand in the air.) AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! DON'T! |
| Toby |
Sorry. It was a joke. I was just... |
| Fabian |
Yes, I know what you were doing. (Stares at him and the audience in utter shock.) And YOU! (To audience.) What a privilege for you all to be part of this process, and this year it appears to be a very special cast indeed, and one that is going to top our all-female Mongolian cast of Three Sisters last year. So, with no further delay, shall we break the ice and crack on with a good solid read-through just for running time? Shall we get into a semi-circle... as they say in the business? (Guides them into their positions.) 'Sorry sir, dog ate mine!' Ha. (Silence.) Just a little joke. No need to panic, I know how nerve wracking these first read-throughs can be. So, actors, be aware we are just doing this for timing, no need to perform in any way but please feel free to take this opportunity to try things out if you wish. If you are shit though, I will ask you to leave! (Darts a look straight at TOBY.) Now, THAT is a joke! |
| Toby |
Oh, sorry about that I was just... I didn't mean. |
| Fabian |
We won't stop, just straight through and we can deal with any issues afterwards. Audience, please sit back and enjoy. It would be great to have some feedback from you after if we have time. I'm sure the actors would be very grateful to/ |
| Nick |
/I don't think that's necessary do you? |
| Fabian |
Well, I just thought/ |
| Nick |
/Not a good idea, Fabian. |
| Fabian |
Of course, on second thoughts, best not. |
| Nick |
No. |
| Fabian |
Yes, quite. |
| Nick |
No. |
| Fabian |
Ok. |
| Nick |
Not a good idea, no. |
| Fabian |
Fair enough. |
| Nick |
No. |
| Fabian |
Over to the actors. |
| Nick |
No. |
| Fabian |
Alright. (Takes note of his watch.) |
| Nick |
No. |