| Scene 2 |
|
The Read-Through |
|
| Nick/Narrator |
"Alice was beginning"/ |
| Elin-Rose |
/Oh, sorry almost forgot, before we start – sorry, sorry. I actually got everyone a gift, as it's Christmas. Can I? |
| Fabian |
(Looking at his watch.) Maybe we should do it/ |
| Gael |
/I'm a sucker for gifts. |
| Fabian |
He's a sucker! |
| Nick |
(Sings.) We Three Kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we traverse afar. Field and fountain, Moor and mountain, Following yonder star. |
| Fabian |
THE Nick Steed, Ladies and/ |
| Nick |
(Continues.) /O star of wonder, star of night. Star with royal beauty bright, Westward leading, Still proceeding, Guide us to thy perfect light. |
| The cast give a little polite applause. |
|
| Fabian |
Of course, why not? Lovely. Beautiful. How kind of you Elin-Rose. |
| ELIN-ROSE hands out beautifully wrapped presents, complete with ribbon and carefully selected Alice in Wonderland themed wrapping paper. |
|
| Elin-Rose |
(To Fabian.) Could you tell them not to be too rough? |
| Fabian |
Could you not be too rough. |
| Elin-Rose |
Some of them might be edible... oops! |
| They open their presents. TOBY seems to be having trouble opening his. The ribbon is proving fiddly for him. |
|
| Gael |
(To Toby.) Do you want some help with that, mate? |
| Toby |
No, I'm fine, thank you. I can manage, really. |
| The others watch until he finally gets it open, he looks up and they quickly resume with their own gifts. |
|
| Toby |
A cupcake. That's lovely, Elin-Rose, and very thoughtful. Beth wants cupcakes instead of a wedding cake. Beth's my... (Shows ring.). She'd love these. Mine says 'eat me' too. Wow. Might have to take a snap, do you mind? |
| ELIN-ROSE nods and Toby takes a quick photo with his phone. |
|
| Nick |
Is she... (Indicates hand.) too? |
| Toby |
No. |
| Fabian |
(Covering up.) Oh, how exciting. |
| Toby |
Did you do it all yourself? |
| Elin-Rose |
Yes. I was up till three this morning making sure they were all perfect. Didn't even brush my teeth! But I'm a bit mad like that. |
| NICK and GAEL have the same as Toby but Nick's is a little squashed. |
|
| Elin-Rose |
Oh no, how did that happen? Must have been the script. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Oh god! Stupid! stupid! stupid! |
| ELIN-ROSE repeatedly hits herself hard in the face. |
|
| All |
Oh! |
| Nick |
It's fine darling, really. |
| Gael |
Here mate, have mine, it makes no difference to me. |
| Nick |
Oh god, no. But thank you. |
| Gael |
Really, I don't mind. |
| Nick |
(He puts them both in his bag.) Ok, lovely. I can take them home to the missus. Shouldn't really, Ming suffers terribly, what with her fluid retention. |
| GAEL and TOBY eat their cakes whilst still chatting. ELIN-ROSE is transfixed on them, almost hypnotized by the ritual of eating. This is her thing. |
|
| Gael |
(Noticing Elin-Rose's strange behaviour.) She should be alright with cake though, no? |
| Nick |
She can't put anything in her mouth these days that doesn't give her excruciating bowel problems. That's what she says. And I mean anything. |
| Toby |
She won't actually eat the cake then? |
| Nick |
Observant. Good boy. She absorbs everything. She's like a sponge finger. |
| Toby |
What is she going to do, stare at it? Dry it out? |
| Nick |
Funny. Nothing as extravagant as that. No, she'll most probably glaze it over, heat it in a kiln, varnish it and give it to one of her china dolls. Loves those things. Hundreds of them all over the house. About fifty of the bastards are sat on top of our wardrobe, watching us while we sleep. |
| Gael |
I wouldn't like that. |
| Nick |
No. I don't. She loves them though. Her pride and joy. Don't get her a black one, mind. |
| All |
Oh! AAAAHHH! (Trying to cover up what he's just said for the audience.) |
| Toby |
(To Elin-Rose.) This means you don't get one. Do you want some of mine? |
| Elin-Rose |
No. |
| NICK puts his away and looks at his script while FABIAN opens his present. |
|
| Fabian |
Definitely not a cake. Bit harder. Beautifully wrapped I must say... Oh it's a candle. |
| Gael |
Now, you can't go wrong with a candle. |
| Fabian |
That's lovely. Mmmmm, interesting smell. |
| Gael |
Really can't go wrong with a candle. |
| Fabian |
They do really unusual fragrances this company. |
| Gael |
Never fails, a candle. Can't go wrong. |
| Fabian |
My mum had a vine tomato one last Christmas, very different but really nice. What's this? Oh, Country Farm. Very unusual I must say. |
| Nick |
Let's have a whiff. |
| FABIAN lets everyone have a sniff then wafts it like a fart into the audience. ELIN-ROSE is still fully transfixed on GAEL eating his cake. |
|
| Fabian |
Well thank you, Elin, thank you. Elin? ELIN! |
| She snaps out of it. |
|
| Elin-Rose |
Really enjoyed doing it and it's the least I could do, getting the chance to work with such amazing, talented people. |
| Gael |
Well, we don't know. We haven't done anything yet. |
| Elin-Rose |
(Pointing out Nick.) I think we do know. (She sings a snippet of '24601' from Les Mis.) |
| Nick |
(Looking down at his script pretending to be embarrassed.) I did a show in the West End with... no, I won't name names... but the leading actor bought us all Mont Blanc fountain pens, complete with our names inscribed. God Bless her soul. Everyone got one. A pen. Think big Broadway singing sensation?... Silver Screen multi award winning actress... of her generation... massive Hollywood gem... No? Child star? |
| He takes out the pen and the actors pass it around. It ends up in the audience. |
|
| Nick |
Best not to say anyway. So, yeah, she got everyone a pen... inscribed: actors, musicians, crew, stage management, the lot! A fountain pen! You'd have all got one, if you'd been there. Inscribed! I mean, I'd only got her squishy stress titties. Could I have it back, please? Anyway now, Fabian has been waiting patiently and indeed so have the audience so... |
| He picks up his script. |
|
| Fabian |
... "Alice was beginning". |
| Nick fidgets around |
|
| Fabian |
"Alice was beginning". |
| Pause. |
|
| Fabian |
"Alice was beginning". |
| Nick/Narrator |
"Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and having nothing to do"/ SHIRLEY TEMPLE! It was Shirley Temple! |
| Elin-Rose |
(Sings.) On the good ship Lollipop. |
| Nick |
Yes, that's right. I've got pictures on my phone for those who don't believe me/ |
| Fabian |
/Best not to right now, Nick. Maybe later. |
| Nick |
Well that never happens – people will forget to ask. (Awkward silence.) Now, where was I? Can't believe you don't know her. Anyway, lost my train of thought now. |
| Fabian |
Alice was beginning. |
| Nick |
I feel as the narrator I should isolate myself a bit. |
| Fabian |
This is just a read-through right now. Nick takes a downstage mic set up on a table. |
| Nick/Narrator |
Is this working? Hello, hello. Broadsword to Danny Boy. |
| Fabian |
"Alice was beginning". |
| Nick/Narrator |
"Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and having nothing to do. She was considering in her own mind whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of"/ |
| A phone goes off in the audience to the ring tone of Take That's 'Shine'. The ACTORS and FABIAN look up. The phone stops after a short period, they resume. |
|
| Nick/Narrator |
(Continues) ... "would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her". |
| Toby/Rabbit |
"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late! Oh, the Duchess, the Duch–"/ |
| Nick |
/Sorry. Sorry to interrupt, I know you're timing this, Fabian darling. But can I make a small offering here? Or is it too soon? I've had a little light bulb moment and I felt I had to put it out there. (Nick sings 'This little light of mine'.) You know? |
| Fabian |
Yes, yes, please do Nick. No problem at all. I love input. Alison always encourages collaboration. We're all rabbit ears! |
| Silence. |
|
| Nick |
Well, it's just... that's all you get. You know? It's skeletal. Sparse. Barren. It needs more detail. Yeah? More MEAT. |
| Fabian |
Right. Ok. (Pause.) That is part of the original Lewis Carroll version but, how do you mean? |
| Nick |
Well, it's the relationship, you know? Between Alice and her sister. It's not there. Not there at all. All we get is: they were on this bank doing fuck all, blah, blah, blah, Alice was bored, something about daisies and we're off, straight into Wonderland. We don't meet her sister again until the very end and I think, correct me if I'm wrong, that the audience needs to invest in that relationship for the story to work. |
| Fabian |
Absolutely. Good. Ok. So that's a potential little re-write there for Gwil? |
| Nick |
No, no, no, no, no! It's just a tiny detail that's missing, that's all. Just a little line or two to establish their sisterly bond. I mean, we're actors/ |
| Gael |
/Yes, we are! |
| Nick |
That's our tool kit isn't it? We can improvise something. We're all comfortable with improvisation, aren't we? |
| Fabian |
But we must be careful that the writing isn't... and for now. (Looks at his watch.) |
| Gael |
/Love it. |
| Gael misunderstands and thinks he's part of the improvisation, getting into position. He sits at the back once he realises he's in fact not. |
|
| Nick |
Here we go, look, Toby, let's be brothers. We're on this, um... bank. It's late afternoon, we're just mucking around. Go with me. (Toby takes a deep breath.) I'll start: Bro! Do you like... it... on the bank? |
| Toby |
It's almost too perfect. |
| Nick |
Ah! See you're blocking me there, he's blocking me there. Ok, you're young, still learning the ropes. Never mind. Gail/ |
| Gael |
Gael. |
| Nick |
Yeah, I know... go with me now, same scenario: brothers, bank, except just for a bit of variation... let's say it's early evening. (Gael indicates the horizon.) No, I'll start: It's early evening now bro, I'm getting really tired. |
| Gael |
Yeah, me too. (Pause.) Do you want to lie down? |
| Nick |
Yeah. (Pause.) And then we can get some biscuits. |
| Gael |
Yeah. (Pause.) And some ham. |
| Nick |
Yeah. (Coming out of character.) See! That's all it needs. And we get it. We get THEM. |
| Elin-Rose |
Yeah. Wow, that was lush. Really natural. And funny. (To Gael.) You're so brave doing that. |
| Gael |
Not brave. Just responsive. Alive. |
| FABIAN gauges the audiences' response. |
|
| Fabian |
Ok. Great thoughts guys. So maybe what you're suggesting is filling the lines with sub-text? Thought processes? Give it life underneath? Good. |
| Nick |
No, I mean let's change it. |
| Fabian |
(Panicking.) So, let's pick it up where we left off, the entrance of the Rabbit. Thanks Toby. |
| Toby/Rabbit |
"Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late! Oh, The Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! Won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting!" |
| Nick |
Sorry, is he going to do it like that? |
| Toby |
What? |
| Nick |
I'm just trying to help. Please don't take offence. I always speak my mind. |
| Toby |
Speak your mind. |
| Nick |
Thank you, that's mature. I mean, you're late! There's no urgency. |
| Fabian |
Ok, this is just the first reading Nick, so let's use this to just get a feel. There's no need to think about characters or make decisions yet. Let's just tell the story for now and have a play after/ |
| Nick |
/I appreciate that, Fabes, but if something's completely off the mark. |
| Elin-Rose |
I thought it was really good. |
| Nick |
(Dismissive.) We know, petal! Gail? |
| Gael |
Gael. |
| Nick |
Yep, I know. How would you have said the line? |
| Gael |
No, I couldn't. Well, the repetition in the dialogue suggests that this character is flummoxed, in a rush or... has tourette's... WANKER! |
| Fabian |
Right, NO! I don't think at this early stage we need/ |
| Toby |
/Exactly, so shall we continue? |
| Nick |
I was just saying, didn't mean anything by it. Just thinking of the listeners. It's always better to nip these things in the bud straight off. That's my motto. Can't be precious. I speak my mind but alas, I also know when I'm not wanted. |
| Fabian |
Oh Nick, your opinion is wanted and very highly respected, it would just be great to get this timed for our technician and discuss character motivations and plot line later. (Whispers to Nick.) If you want to have a private chat with me later/ |
| Toby |
/So, shall we continue? |
| Nick |
Of course. (Aside to Gael.) No need to be defensive. |
| Toby |
I'm not being defensive, I just want to get going and so does Fabian, the audience and the rest of the cast. |
| Nick |
You're alright aren't you, Gael? |
| Gael |
Fine. |
| Nick |
See. Now, I remember working on Jesus Christ Superstar in 1997/ |
| Elin-Rose |
/The year Diana died. My mum says everyone always knows what they were doing when they got the news. |
| Nick |
(Scolding.) Ssshhh, we know, petal. It was Sunday morning I was visiting my sister. Anyway, where was I? I worked on JCS 97, 98, 99 and took under my wing the understudy to Leper 3, Phillipa Logg, lovely girl but really couldn't take criticism. Problem was she needed to take care of herself a little more. Director was too afraid to say so (Fabian), as usual I selflessly stepped up to the mark. You can't be precious (Toby) in this industry and you certainly can't be fat! (Elin-Rose) As a leper? I helped her out. I gave her some sound advice from my years of experience in this, yes sometimes brutal industry. Lovely girl. Especially when you're new to the game like yourself. You have to be 1. Open, 2. A grafter and 3... lovely girl. Fun! Fat girls always are. |
| NICK settles back down lightly singing a number from Jesus Christ Superstar. |
|
| Nick |
... Killed herself. |
| Silence. |
|
| Gael |
Jesus! |
| Nick |
Yes. I was. |
| Toby |
Shall we continue? |
| Fabian |
Yes please. We are on a tight schedule. |
| Nick |
And we are timing guys. |
| During NICK'S narration the ACTORS anticipate being stopped by Nick and start feeling the pressure to perform, none more than ELIN-ROSE, who gets very nervous and agitated knowing her first bit of Alice dialogue is coming. She fidgets and is unsettled. TOBY and ELIN-ROSE position themselves centre stage ready for their bits. |
|
| Nick/Narrator |
"She ran across the field after it and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit hole under the hedge. In another moment down went Alice after it never once considering how in the world she was to get out again. Down down down. The fall never seemed to end." |
| Elin-Rose/Alice |
(Nervous, shaky & high pitched.) "Well, after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs." |
| Nick/Narrator |
"Alice was not a bit hurt when she landed. She looked up and saw the White Rabbit scurrying through a tiny door." |
| Toby/Rabbit |
(Annoyed but unfazed and remaining professional.) "Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting." |
| Nick/Narrator |
Bloody Hell! (Best actor voice.) "As she got to the door, which was locked behind the Rabbit, she looked around and found herself in a great round hall with a table at the centre. On top of the table were a bottle and a key to the side of it. The bottle read 'Drink me' and so, not one to linger over a decision, she drank it. She immediately had a strange sort of feeling and then in the blink of an eye she found herself only 10 inches high." |
| Elin-Rose/Alice |
"Dear, dear! How queer!" |
| Nick |
Ha! That's got to go surely. |
| Elin-Rose/Alice |
"And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I?" |
| Nick |
Who in the world am I. I. The stress is on the I. It's a question. |
| Elin-Rose |
Didn't I do it like that? |
| FABIAN looks at the audience. |
|
| Nick |
No, you didn't. It's a very important statement and the main theme of the play. Who am I? Who are you? Why are we here? etc etc. |
| Fabian |
(To the audience.) Yes, that's an interesting point Nick raises and/ |
| Nick |
/Try it now, 'Who in the world am I?' |
| Elin-Rose |
Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
No, who in the world am I? |
| Elin-Rose |
Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
No, who in the world am I? |
| Elin-Rose |
Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
No, who in the world am I? |
| Elin-Rose |
Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
Am I? |
| Elin-Rose |
Am I? |
| Nick |
Am I? |
| Elin-Rose |
Am I? |
| Nick |
I. |
| Elin-Rose |
I. |
| Nick |
No! |
| Gael |
(To himself.) Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
YES! Thank you. See it's simple. |
| Fabian |
(Correcting the stress.) Who in the world am I? |
| Nick |
Exactly. They look at TOBY. |
| Toby |
Who... Who... Who's got the next line? |
| Elin-Rose/Alice |
(Shaken.) "Ah, that's the great puzzle." |
| Nick |
I think we should cut that. That needs cutting. Or a song to take us into the next scene. The narrator could introduce the... (looks ahead in script.) mouse character with a ditty. Desc NICK sings 'The Mending Song' from Bagpuss. |
| Toby |
(Shouts.) Should we carry on? |
| Fabian |
I'm not sure we have the budget or time for a full musical score, Nick, as much as we'd love to exploit your talents. And that was quite something. |
| Nick |
But you're not. |
| Fabian |
What? |
| Nick |
Exposing my talents. |
| Fabian |
Exploiting. |
| Nick |
I didn't say that. |
| Toby |
I'm not sure the song works anyway. |
| Nick |
Excuse me? |
| Toby |
(Beat.) And, like Fabian said, there's no space for it. |
| Fabian |
I didn't actually say that. |
| Nick |
/There should be songs. |
| Toby |
Doesn't fit. |
| Nick |
There must be songs. |
| Toby |
It's not in keeping. |
| Nick |
THERE WILL BE SONGS. |
| Toby |
NO SONGS! |
| Nick |
(Sings.) Who am I? I'm Jean Valjean |
| Stand off between TOBY and NICK.. FABIAN breaks it. |
|
| Fabian |
Shall we have a tea break everyone and come back to this with a fresh head? (Fabian gives a reassuring nod out front.) Great work thus far guys. (To audience.) Bear with us and help yourself to the bits and pieces. |
| FABIAN takes a tray of biscuits and heads over to the audience. Gael goes to take one. |
|
| Fabian |
NO! NOT THOSE! Sorry, it's just these are just for the audience. |
| NICK sings 'I'm Dreaming of Home' from Joyeux Noel for the audience. FABIAN stares at him for a moment suddenly feeling threatened. He then heads into the audience with his tray. |
|
| Fabian |
Actually Gail, could I have a word? |
| Gael |
Gael. |
| Fabian |
Pardon? |
| Gael |
It's Gael. |
| Fabian |
Oh, yes sorry. Gael could/ |
| Gael |
/Yes? |
| Fabian |
Could I have a word? |
| Gael |
Yes. |
| They chat discreetly upstage behind a shower curtain. What at first seems like a conversation turns into something sexual, depicted through a silhouetted image. Hand running down Gael's body. Pencil rises like a penis. Gael is masturbated but then the curtain is suddenly opened and we are back in the room. GAEL is making notes in his notepad. FABIAN takes the tray meant for the actors and swaps it with the tray he gave the audience and hands the plate to GAEL. |
|
| Fabian |
You see, I done that for you. (To all.) Please help yourself to the pickings provided. |
| FABIAN goes to his booth to make notes. |
|
[More text to be added] |